Unfamiliar ground
I remember feeling silly doing things that feel completely normal to me now. I remember the feeling of unsureness, frustration, clumsiness & straight up unfamiliarity when I would embark - (I use that word cause well it really was like I was on a journey to somewhere I really didn't know) on these little missions for myself. Whether it be going off into the bush to try "connect with myself" or sitting with a journal in front of me.
Underneath these energies was a knowing that I needed to do something! I didn't really know what it was - but man did I know I needed to make a change.
Underneath that - was the energy of commitment. I committed to myself. I didn't quite know how that was going to look but I knew that I was willing to do whatever it took cause let's be honest - what I had been doing - was not working for me!
I actually literally created space for this change in my life. I remember the conversation I had with my friend. I said - "I'm creating space & I'm going to see what comes" It was kinda like a leap of faith.
I had spent years committing to things outside of myself, my family, my work, "being there for people", doing "what I thought I should be doing", "being who I thought I should be", chasing experiences that would make me feel good - trying to change the inside with things from/on the outside. Trying to live life & feel good. Trying to be me. Always trying it seemed - but never really feeling at peace or balanced.
What I know now is - Never really knowing myself. That was the key & that ultimately was the journey I was embarking on but just didn't know it.
Then came the shift - From always directing my attention outwards - to the redirection of my energy inwards.
I opened my heart to myself
I don't know that I really realised I was doing this at the time - But it is clear to me now.
In the redirection of my energy back within myself - I began the passage of understanding that I was responsible for how I met my moments - no matter what unfolded before me.
Now within this - There were some hard truths. I needed to be kind with myself. I needed to be curious. To learn. To ask why? Then continue to keep my heart open to myself to allow this process of understanding, learning, healing.
As I waded deep within myself - it was rough, I'm not guna lie. There was lots to get through lol but it was a passage of work that I needed to do - you may know it as "shadow work"
Our shadows & ultimately our healing, learning journey of life requires us to open our hearts to ourselves.
To heal & ultimately learn - Takes love, kindness, compassion, patience, grace.....
The ultimate key is that WE NEED TO LEARN TO GIVE THIS TO OURSELVES.
This is the passage of understanding our innate wholeness, innate power, innate wisdom.
Connecting to ourselves.
Getting to Know Thyself.
Trust the process
In order to trust the process you do not need to know the next step - hehe true story my friend.
Nature shows us this - There is a process to everything. It is ok to just sink into trust *AND Right action - always acting in alignment with your highest self. Essentially with good intent. There's a process to learning what this is, looks, feels like tooooooo lol x
It seems a little "strange" but to be honest alot of my current ways of being are what I would have called "strange". Actually if you want to get into strange - take a look at quantum physics - That s#%t will blow your mind! It is the fundamental make up of our universe.
Many of the ways of being I now trust & know to be my true north are paradoxical to what I used to think was the "right way" Like completely flipped. This is also something that amazes me on the regular.
Paradox meaning: A paradox is a statement, situation or concept that seems self-contradictory or illogical at first but may reveal an underlying truth when examined closely. EG "Less is more" We all know this one - of course more is always more - BUUUUT as we come to learn - Less truly is more. ANYWAY - I digress........
To trust the process & not truly know the whole process or how it will come to be - Is an act of faith. Perhaps faith in yourself & faith in something greater than yourself.
These energies align nicely with the energy of commitment to self - & well the spiritual journey - which is one of openness & a journey into the unknown & straight up magical (quantum physics)
An open heart & an open mind.
To begin to trust in what is being presented to you ~ By life.
Trusting in these ques through "staying open" - Compassionate, curious & willing.
To keep in mind - when you did "what you thought you were suppose to do" well how did it feel? To remember there was something missing.
Want different? Be different my friend.
BE the change you wish to see - Now there's a paradox. I ALWAYS used to look for change outside of myself FIRST. I was ALWAYS trying to change the way I felt on the inside - by something outside of myself.
Now I know - All change must come from within.
Change our thoughts - change our lives. When we change our vibration - We change what we attract. Change the words you use - Well you just see how that one goes my friend. WORDS AREW POWERFUL.
It all starts from within.
Taking a leap of faith. Beginning to trust in yourself & what life presents to you "as your work" Opening your heart, being brave & staying committed.
Yes it will feel weird. Yes at times it will be the toughest!
But yes you will find yourself & your pathway back to your true nature in the process.
Trust it.
There will also be moments of light - Follow them.
Enlightenment.
It is beautiful.
It is possible.
With love, Millisa xx
