In hindsight...
Yes.....I lived there for sometime. Now, however no.
Kia ora my friend, thanks for stopping by. I send love to you & I'm here to let you know you are not alone. Ya know I think "survival mode" for us all, is something that we can all relate to at some stage in our lives, likely in different degree's also. Perhaps in the present or perhaps looking back in hindsight.
For me personally....I didn't really know what it was or had even heard of it when I guess I was in the thick of it. It was really only after the fact, when I started to heal - that all these ways of being & insights came into my realm of awareness becoming quite clear.
Really what I want to share with you, is my reflections on what "Survival Mode" was for me - In the hope that it may also give you some insight for yourself. Then share some of the shifts I created for myself in relation to recalibrating myself.
What did it feel like?
These days I would call it low vibration & out of alignment with my true nature - But back then I would have called it melancholy or perhaps a sense of being lost. As well as this I would say I went from tired & wired on the reg - to just straight up exhausted, walking through mud typa feels.
Don't get me wrong it wasn't all bad. I had awesome happy times too!
HOWEVER.
I had an inner sense of discord that I really couldn't quite pin point - Which I now know to be a disconnection from my true nature. AND I was JUMPY AS - Like walk around the corner & you would give me a fright!
I had extreme highs & well, extreme lows. I used to call it riding the Roller Coaster of life. It always seemed to be one end of the spectrum or the other.
I found it hard to stick to things. Hard to plan things. Life seemed to have a restricting sense to it. Like things couldn't change. I felt under constant pressure. A constant sense of urgency. A general sense of mistrust & uncertainty.
I was super habitual & reactive in my way of being.
There was a whole lot of escapism, FTW mode, self sabotage & co-dependency in the mix too.
I felt heavy. Life felt like alot.
I crashed & burned BIG TIME
After that came a whole shift - which really was a process in & of itself. However changes & realisations came with this process that have lead me to where I am today. Thank goodness lol
At the other end of the spectrum that survival mode is on - is what I suppose I would call is THRIVING.
These feelings are expansive in nature. Overall I would say my nervous system is more regulated, as are my emotions. I am calmer. I feel more inspiration that I ever have in my life. I feel more creative. I feel a sense of abundance & clarity. I feel that I have many choices & a sense of trust in life. I feel whole. I feel vital. I can create plans & stick to them (most of the time haha)
As I said just feels far more expansive. I guess empowering also. The realisation of my own power & potential.
It kinda blows my mind how different everything feels & yet - here's the catch - I feel like my life is still the same. I guess really there are changes; but it feels the bulk of them have been on the inside.
I had to come back to me.
My real first port of call was to regulate my nervous system. I went on a mission to learn how to do this for myself. I also learned all about the nervous system & what an activated system vs regulated was all about. How it manifested. Different "symptoms" & "causes".
Then I came back to my body. I call this grounding. I began to learn what this looked like for me. I learned to connect in to my body. Listen to it, feel it & change my state of being OR hold a regulated state when things got tough. Again, how this looked & felt for me.
There were alot of personal experiments. Lots of fails & lots of wins.
A lot of this work & the self experimentation was mainly observing the sensations within my body & connecting to my breath throughout my day & as different situations arose. Observation of thought patterns & emotions also come up here.
This was really my starting place - as from this space I felt as though I was somehow "Creating Space" within myself. It's kinda hard to explain, but it was a learning of the inner workings of me I suppose. As cracks of light began to flow in, on my journey back to myself.
Through having the capacity to regulate myself more on the regular - I was then able to delve into emotional intelligence. My range of emotions & what I could identify - which is hindsight - was severely limited but almost extreme in nature.
The key here is - When our nervous system is regulated - WE HAVE MORE CAPACITY to be curious with our emotions (moving out of a reactive state) We have the ability to have a broader perspective - which then allows for more curiosity & therefore the potential for healing, learning & growing.
From this place - Well the sky is the limit if you are committed, willing to take radical responsibility for your inner world, open to the idea that you don't know all that you need to know right now & well, are brave enough to embark on this messy inner journey of self discovery!
There is much more to share - But for now I will leave it at that.
If you recognise any of these "survival mode" ways of being within yourself - Well you are halfway there my friend.
AWARENESS IS THE ALCHEMY OF TRANSFORMATION.
The next step is to take action aligned with your highest good.
What would serve my healing/growth/learning right now?
You have got this.
Drop me a line if you have any questions - I am always down for a chat!
With love,
Millisa xx
